Weird IR

Aging American action star Chuck Norris was recently invited by Hungary's Viktor Orban to visit the country and view a demonstration by Hungary's counter-terrorism unit. The two gushed over each other, lavishing praise and greeting each other with a hug. 

The populist, right-wing Orban, Hungary's prime minister since 2010, has been accused of pushing Hungary toward soft authoritarianism (or illiberal democracy, take your pick) by reducing civil liberties, press freedoms, and the autonomy of the judiciary. He is most famous internationally for railing against the EU and immigrants after the European migration crisis of 2015. 

In addition to his acting career, Norris has been a political activist for conservative causes in the U.S. By branching out toward an Eastern European leader like Orban, who has been compared to Recep Erdogan of Turkey and Russia's Vladimir Putin, Norris seems to be following in the footsteps of his fellow martial arts actor, Steven Seagal, who has been quite chummy with Putin, as we have noted many times here at Weird IR. 

Seagal has acted as a surrogate for the Russian government on television to defend Putin. Seagal was granted Russian citizenship in 2016 and Putin this year named Seagal a "special representative for US-Russian humanitarian ties."  

There are too many questions here to answer: Is Norris going to set up the same deal with Hungary that Seagal has with Russia? Is this what aging martial arts actors do? Why do American social conservatives like Eastern European strongmen? Will Jackie Chan embrace Xi Jinping? Who gets Jean-Claude Van Damme?

The small, 37-year-old Balkan state known as the Republic of Macedonia has announced that they will henceforth be known as the Republic of Northern Macedonia, finally settling a decades-long dispute with neighboring Greece, which has a northern province called Macedonia which lies just south of the border with the Republic of Macedonia. 

The Republic of Macedonia adopted the Macedonia moniker in the closing days of WWII, when the people of the area proclaimed the Democratic Federal Macedonia on August 2, 1944. This was later changed to the Socialist Republic of Macedonia in 1963, and the Republic of Macedonia upon its declaration of independence from Yugoslavia in 1991.

Macedonia is also the general name of the whole region, which it inherits from the Ancient Kingdom of Macedonia, home to Alexander the Great. For instance, Bulgaria's Blagoevgrad Province is also known as Pirin Macedonia. Anyways, Greeks have felt so strongly about the use of the regional name that Greek leaders have been keeping the Republic of Macedonia out of the EU and NATO since 2005 until the Republic of Macedonia comes up with a new name, much to the consternation of its western allies, who would like to incorporate the Republic of Macedonia into these two organizations. The thought of Greece keeping others out of the EU when so many want Greece out of the EU is rather ironic.

Though there is a lot more important news going on at the moment, we at WeirdIR took it upon ourselves to explore the origins of Macedonia, the one where Philip of Macedonia (382–336 BCE) and his son, Alexander the Great (356–323 BCE), came from. The maps below show Ancient Macedonia in 431 and 336 BCE.

So yes, we suppose that Greece does indeed have a little more "legitimacy" to the name. And maybe the "Republic of North Macedonia" name fix, the easiest way of settling this, could have been adopted a long time ago. But was the name dispute really worth one state keeping its neighbor out of the EU and NATO for all these years? That's a weird way to start relations with a new neighbor. Countries should not have a monopoly on a name (just look at the Republic of the Congo and its neighbor, the Democratic Republic of the Congo). 

Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump's historic summit meeting in Singapore is now underway, and the best news so far comes from reports that Kim Jong Un traveled to Singapore with his own toilet.

Is North Korean toilet technology that advanced that he prefers his own toilet over those of a high priced resort in Singapore? No, Kim Jong Un is just worried that foreign intel agencies will deploy their poop detectors to retrieve Kim's stools from the hotel sewers in order to find out about his health and diet. Dear Leader's poop must remain a mystery!

We hope this one-day summit between the world's two weirdest leaders continues to produce more WeirdIR content.

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Former NBA player, Dennis Rodman, who famously became the first American to meet North Korean dictator, Kim Jung Un, and has made a few visits to the closed off country in the name of "basketball diplomacy", may be going to Singapore for the June 12 summit between Kim and US President Donald Trump. He would make himself available if his help is needed, according to news media reports. 

We really hope these reports are true and that Trump allows Rodman to sit in on the meetings next to Sec of State Mike Pompeo. That would really make our day. Here's an old pic of the Pres with the Worm.

One of the truly weird stories from the world of international relations concerns the Yellow Fleet, a fleet of fifteen unrelated merchant vessels that happened to be sailing in the Suez Canal when the Six-Day War broke out between Israel and the Arab States in June 1967.

With the outbreak of war, both ends of the canal became blocked by scuttled ships and destroyed bridges, leading the fifteen ships of the Yellow Fleet to be stuck in the canal. The ships would remain there for eight years - the canal was finally cleared and reopened in 1975.

The ships, which were registered in the US and seven European countries, gathered together in a wide part of the canal for the duration of their unintended internment. Their hulls became coated with the dust of the desert, lending the fleet their name.

The crews gathered together for mutual support, played soccer on the largest ship, and held church services and meals together. Interestingly, they also hand-made their own stamps, which Egypt recognized, thereby granting the stamps international standing and allowing the mail to be forwarded onward from Egypt. These stamps, samples of which can be found below, are now collectors' items. The "MS" names in the top left of the envelope are the names of five of the Yellow Fleet ships. ​

The crewmen fortunately were not stuck on the ships the whole eight years, but most remained for at least a couple years and the last remaining crew when home in 1972, five years after the Six-Day War.

John Bolton's recent appointment to National Security Advisor was among the most controversial personnel decisions that President Trump has made this year. And, that's saying a lot. 

We at Weird IR are watching this development with great interest. Not just because Bolton is now one of the most influential US foreign policymakers-- who will be steps away from the West Wing-- but also because his persona has been used by Iranian hackers to steal passwords and sensitive information from some of DC's elites. We covered this story in 2014, but you can revisit it here. In short: If John Bolton wants to connect with you on LinkedIn, tread carefully.

While we have you... did you know that our book is coming out soon? That's right! Weird IR: Deviant Cases in International Relations is hitting shelves in August. More information to follow. 

Recent convert to anti-migrant xenophobia and longtime perv Silvio Berlusconi is poised to become the next prime minister of Italy.

The guy whom Americans might know as the weirdo who gave Michelle Obama the creepy crawlies won big (but not too big) in yesterday's elections. If that's not enough, Silvio has been accused of multiple crimes, including bribing senators and soliciting underage prostitutes. His accomplishments include being a billionaire, presiding over Italy's decline in the global economy, and avoiding prison time. His interests are dominating Italian media and soccer. His turn-ons are well documented by court proceedings.

The man who was Trump before Trump had a perfectly Berlusconi-esque moment at the ballot box, when a topless protester stood from FEMEN stood on a desk and confronted the leader of Forza Italia for his many alleged crimes and indiscretions against women.

Hola, amigos. I know it's been a while since I rapped at ya, but Phil and I have been hard at work on our new book. 

I just had to write a quick post about Mikheil Saakashvili, the former President of Georgia. If you're not familiar, he was a busy guy when he was in office. Among his accomplishments:

Spearheading the 2004 Rose Revolution, which brought democratic reforms to Georgia

Starting and then losing a war with Russia

Getting NATO's attention but never sealing the deal with membership

Losing control of his country's military

Hey, you win some and you lose some. That's life, right? Anyway, Saakashvili's turn to the weird side began when his second term as president ended. He spent some time in the United States, writing op-eds about how Russia sucks and teaching a few courses at the Fletcher School. One of those op-eds was a passionate defense of the Ukrainian government, which had just lost chunks of its territory to Russia. 

Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko was so amped by Saakashvili's essay that he offered him citizenship. And the former Georgian President accepted it. At the time, he was under investigation for multiple crimes in Georgia, and relished the opportunity to get the hell out of Dodge, so to speak. Georgian law bans dual citizenship, so when Saakashvili took his Ukrainian citizenship, he gave up his Georgian citizenship.

The bromance between Poroshenko and Saakashvili lasted for a while. Saakashvili became the governor of Odessa oblast, a bizarre and unpredicted turn of events for everyone. Eventually, however, Poroshenko grew tired of Saakashvili's shit. Saakashvili lost his position in Poroshenko's government and did what any annoying privileged person would do-- he moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn. From there, he began to coordinate an electoral challenge to Poroshenko's ruling party. 

He would also rail against Poroshenko's government, accusing it of widespread corruption. (As if Ukraine's government didn't have enough on its plate.) Eventually, enough was enough, and Ukraine stripped Saakashvili of his citizenship.

Thus, in late July 2017, Saakashvili became stateless. This is where the story gets really sketchy. By early August, he somehow got from the United States to Lithuania. He quickly hopped the border to Poland-- without credentials-- and tried to sneak into Ukraine. 

He was stopped, of course. Saakashvili remained trapped in Poland for a few more days, until he snuck onto a bus and made it into Ukraine. He spent a few weeks with loyalists, plotting his return to Kiev to confront his old political rivals. That never happened, though. Yesterday, a group of commandos grabbed Saakashvili while he was eating lunch and kicked his ass out of the country. As of this writing, he is in Poland, no doubt plotting another return. He might also want to find a passport while he's at it. 

Actually, never mind. He clearly doesn't need one. I've never seen a stateless person be so mobile in my life. Props, Mikheil.

Given the totality of the 2003 US-Iraq War and the ensuing occupation - the huge costs in lives, money, and resources on both sides, not to mention the loss of international prestige for the US - it's easy to forget all the strange events that preceded the US invasion. The event that people are most likely to remember from the lead-up to war is Sec of State Colin Powell presentation of fake evidence of Iraq seeking WMD to the UN. That was quite a doozy, so it's easy to see why it's so memorable.

But one short vignette that is unfortunately forgotten is Iraq's proposal to solve the US-Iraq dispute over WMD and Saddam's continuing rule by holding a duel. That's right, an old-school, Hamilton-and-Burr, man-to-man, ​armed confrontation between the leaders of the two countries. Unfortunately, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer rejected the proposal, replying that "there can be no serious response to an irresponsible statement like that."

Naturally, it would have been a much better way to avoid all those lost lives. But who would have won? On one hand, Saddam was a military man, and Bush had avoided the Vietnam War by joining the Texas Air National Guard. On the other hand, Bush was nine years younger than Saddam - Saddam was 66 in 2003, and Bush was 57.

Bush was a Texas rancher, used to pulling out his gun to deal with vermin to protect his livestock; Saddam had to deal with vermin to protect his hold on power. Saddam probably would have resorted to dirty tricks, but Bush's father probably taught him a thing or two about dirty tricks when he was the CIA chief. Saddam stood 186 cm, while Bush is 182, giving Saddam a small reach advantage. We'll never know!

The whole thing reminds me of one of the best music videos of the '80s: Frankie Goes to Hollywood's video for Two Tribes, which featured a Reagan look-alike wrestling against a Leonid Brezhnev look-alike. Maybe Saddam was a Frankie fan?

​China nominated two regional strongmen for its 2017 Confucius Peace Prize - President Rodrigo Duterte of the Philippines and Prime Minister Hun Sen of Cambodia. The winner will be announced soon.

In case you're not aware, Duterte has instituted extrajudicial killings of suspected drug dealers and users, has sacked and undermined politicians who oppose him, and made light of the rape and murder of a nun. But he also pivoted to a friendlier, conciliatory foreign policy toward China in the past year, making him Beijing's man in Manila.

And Hun Sen has cracked down on the free press and the main opposition party in Cambodia, but he also enjoys a growing close relationship with China. He travels to Beijing to seek aid money, and in return he blocks anti-China statements on the South China Sea in ASEAN.

So China clearly equates peace with kissing ass. It's funny though that the case award for the Confucius Prize is only a measly $15,000, which is surprising for cash-abundant China. 

It should be noted that the recently deposed dictator of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, who led his country to economic ruin and abused human rights throughout his long reign in power, was given the Confucius Prize in 2015. For some reason, he turned it down. I guess he thought the $15,000 prize was an insult as far as bribes go.